Monday, April 27, 2009

God Smack!

Have you ever had one of those days where God just smacks you right in the face with a 2x4!? Sunday, April 19th was one of those days for me! The past 6 months have been confusing, terrifying, and well...hard. I graduated from college and didn't have a job for 2 months! I have never not had a job! Needless to say I was depressed...

Jonas has been my rock for the past 5 years. From December - February he allowed me to live with him and his mom until I found a job. Putting up with my constant negativity and mood swings... blaming him for my unhappiness... and putting him down to make myself feel better. WHY?!?! I don't know...

April 19th, the Lord revealed it to me in a very real way... He almost took from me the gift and tangible rock he had blessed me with, Jonas. Nothing physically happened to him. But, emotionally he was broken, and it was all because of me! I said things and did things I would never have done...the question I kept asking myself is WHHHYYY?!?! What happened...

Then all I could do was think...When was the last time I went to church? When was the last time I read my bible? When was the last time I sat alone with God?...I couldn't remember. Christ has always brought me out of the darkness! Why did I not rely on him to do that this time? Oh wait... He did... He gave me a job...friends...a home... Where did I give Him the credit? I didn't...

Instead... I got busy...I work, eat, and sleep. Day in and day out. I worked on Sundays. I stopped seeing the joy Christ put in my life daily! Satan became very real... taking credit for Christ, telling me it was ok to act the way I did toward other people. It isn't...

Starting tomorrow I am going to Recovery... it is a group where I can talk about my past and present life issues. Reading my testimony you can see I have issues to work out. The past 6 months I let Satan invade my privacy and my relationship with Christ. I need to let Christ shine. Hopefully I can do that there without weighing down my relationships on Earth. God can handle my past and my burdens. My friends don't need that. Help me to stay on track. Keep me accountable !

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Garland, Texas, United States

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